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Peace at last
I've been sitting around this life for years,
Not enough laughs and too many tears.
Trying to figure where I went wrong.,
The wasted years the wasted tears.
Searching for somethin more...I've been sitting around this life for years,
Not enough laughs and too many tears.
Trying to figure where I went wrong.,
The wasted years the wasted tears.
Searching for something I know not what.
Love or money? power or fame?
Does it matter or is it the same?
Living this life has taken it's toll.
I feel and look so damn old.
The worry I do.. I know not why
just something unsettled way down inside.
I try to do the things thats right, and make my life
seem worth the fight.
Living and laughing, loving it all, Is thats my future? be it untold~
I hate the words your growing old, left alone......no one to hold.
My dream or prayer for this would be..... give me someone..
Someone who loves me.
Fame and fortune, money or power I'll surely give up... that final hour,
My life has past with few rewards
So all I ask from this old world
Find me a love that I can keep.. and when my final hours draw near
I know I'll have someone.. Someone near.
Our lives have purpose I've been told, though what mine is.. I do not know
But while I'm here I'll make the best and try and straighten out this mess.
I'll try and do my best you see, so people here will remember me~
So let this be my final plea.....When from this world I finally pass,
let them say she's found peace at last~
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im back
havent been around much since last year but im with it now had a hell of wreck put me out of it for a while let me tell you i do not advise you to try and fly a jeep they only go about a 125feet witho more...havent been around much since last year but im with it now had a hell of wreck put me out of it for a while let me tell you i do not advise you to try and fly a jeep they only go about a 125feet without wings and end over that wau is not my idea of fun .but it put how i want my life to go in a new light for me . iactually have gotten back on a bike .and now i have been bitten by the drag racing bug will post the pictures before long . my new man is the reason for the dragracing he is working on a nice car i hope to get to the quater mile in soon well im at work doing this and if the boss catches I will catch hell but this is the only way right now since pc at home is fried .
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falling hard
Why is a man can brak your heart and not even realize it even when you tell him so .I dont know if even knows I love him ,Or he is making the choice to not show that he cares .Or maybe hes just in it more...Why is a man can brak your heart and not even realize it even when you tell him so .I dont know if even knows I love him ,Or he is making the choice to not show that he cares .Or maybe hes just in it for the sex.And oh god is the sex good .between he and I its so different then with my husband. the olman knows that the lover gives me something that he dosen't And no matter how hard I try I cant stay away I try to go for days and not call but then my cravings get the better of me and I break down and call him .All just for afew minutes with him every once in a while. if I wasnt with R I would go with him.But I just cant leave my kids .the fact that I let myself feel more for him then i should is areally bad thing He even said so because i got brave and told him this past weekend. he said it wasn't a good thing that i think of him like that but he didnt reject the fact either so i dont know which way to go .A friend told me thats its not possible to love two men like that but it has to be because I do .And I know one of these days it will come down to a choice between the two .Adn at that point I would have to walk away from them both .
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hes breaking my heart
my lover is breaking my heart hes talking about leaving the country.And i cant go with him because i cant walk away from my kids.but it would be all to easy if it werent for them but the days when i j more...my lover is breaking my heart hes talking about leaving the country.And i cant go with him because i cant walk away from my kids.but it would be all to easy if it werent for them but the days when i just cant stand being a wife and a mother i could walk away and not look back I know i shouldnt feel this way but i do I love my husband to no end but what this man dose for me is what i have never been able to get at home. I should have never let myself fall so far . how do i tell him i love him because he dosent think you can love two poeple
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what is with this
Well these men are not making my life any less stressful lately the one says he isn't going anywhere that he loves me way to much And the other one damn him makes it so hard to stay away. God only kno more...Well these men are not making my life any less stressful lately the one says he isn't going anywhere that he loves me way to much And the other one damn him makes it so hard to stay away. God only knows what hes thinking anymore.And the one im married too dosen't like to share his feelings til after they eat at him for weeks and that drives me nuts. What am i going to do with the both of them .I am the one who just needs to get away from the both of them.And thata hard too do with the kids if I leave them with their dad for a while he wonders if im going to see him and he says hes ok with it all but i dont know his reasoning is that all that matters is that i come home to him in the end of it all. but its so hard to love two men . I feel like te past is repeating itself over again. I left mt frisst ol'man for the one im with now but i keep telling myself that was a whole another reason because k was a really bad guy and its ture he beat the hell out of me and then would cry he loved me all i was a place to lay his ass. to tell the truth about .R has never hit me or even lifted a hand in anger at me or even yelled at me. but i know i have hurt him deeply even though he will never admit it. And our baby boy I know that he deep down he wants him to be his but the fact is hes not but he loves his daddys boy and that all that really matters to me and to him. I know that M will never love me that way even if R left So I go on in this between two men nto knowing which way to go thats bad
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Too much info, insides overblown
Well anyone who has been a friend of mine in the past 10yrs or so knows about Doug. They know my whole world was wrapped up around him and his words were gospel to me. That my love for him was deeper more...Well anyone who has been a friend of mine in the past 10yrs or so knows about Doug. They know my whole world was wrapped up around him and his words were gospel to me. That my love for him was deeper than any love I thought I would ever have again. That he even has been an issue between Phil and I, that I have struggled with staying with Phil to go back to Doug. That Doug has said he would change if I went back to him and dumped Phil. But that I did choose Phil over Doug.
Last night I found out all those years Doug was also with Kath. That he was not sleeping on the couch. That they were only ever really broken up for very short spurts. I learned a ton more but it's really not worth writing it all out. I mean just what I have written right now is enough. How does a guy get away with that for 10yrs? Now he is going to put someone else through it? How can he live with himself?
I think Phil is happy just another thing to throw in my face to prove he is better than Doug. I hate how he uses shit like that to throw in my face.
As for other things, Summer is getting closer I can't wait for it to finally get here. I picked up haircolor so I can finally get my hair done. Picked up some new summer clothes for Sarah. I picked up some sweet red dress shoes for myself. When Mary gets here I am finally gonna go buy myself all new pants mine are all too big. Mary is awesome for fashion sence and I am not so I am saving that for a girls day out thing.
We got 2 new fish we named them twinkle and lady:)
Anyhow I shall go for now, hope everyone is doing well, tatta:)
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Friendships, Changes, and Medical....
Well I have been on an emotional high finding old friends. Being a military brat we moved so finding old friends means alot to me. Finding and sorting out family has been fun for me and my daughter as more...Well I have been on an emotional high finding old friends. Being a military brat we moved so finding old friends means alot to me. Finding and sorting out family has been fun for me and my daughter as well. Facebook is an awesome site, I swear everyone is on there:)Looks like some changes are coming to my life, new beginnings and old endings, probably for the better, but will need emotional supports I think to get through them. Saw docotor today I am staying on pain meds 4 times a day and she ordered a breath test something to do with ulcers, more blood tests, more stool tests, an upper GI test and getting hold of doctor Amson to have him look me over and do more tests. I am getting so sick of all these fricken tests! Why can't they figure out what is going on...
Last week it was the Baldwins, this week David Hasellhoff drunk and eating a burger off the floor shot by his 16yr old daughter. Your not safe from the drama even if your a celebrity. What is going on with so many dad's and why are celebrity kids turning in this stufdf about their dads? That is harsh
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what to do
what do I do ,Hell If I know anymore, having two men want you is alot more deep then if I think I'm willing to deal with .The one I'm married too is the best thing that ever happened to me .But the lo more...what do I do ,Hell If I know anymore, having two men want you is alot more deep then if I think I'm willing to deal with .The one I'm married too is the best thing that ever happened to me .But the lover is all I have ever wanted in a man in the bedroom .Now don't get me wrong my husband is good in bed.But hes always to worried about hurting me .He just cant seem to get the fact that I need him to get wild with me.HE does to an extend but not as far as I would Like him to go.Oh god what am I going to do .I love my family but on days when everything is going ass backwards and it is all just to much .I think How it easy at this point in my life it would be able to walk away from it all.but i can't leave my kids or break the ol'mans heart like that. but if it werent for the kids i just might.god forgive me for being selfess
but sometimes you have to be too be happy with yourself maybe i'm wrong hell at this point i dont know if I care anymore. Loving two men is killing me. And one of these days I'm going to have too decide which one of them means more too me the life I have or the one I could have . Or the fact my kids are my world and I cant leave them behind. And I'm to damn old to wait till thet groww up.I'll be fourty neat year and when the youngest is old enough he would get over me walking away I'll in my fifties .So what is girl too do
suffer I guess .one of these days it is all going catch up with me .
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one of those days
today is one of those days where you just want to run away .Everybody and everything is getting under my skin.The kids and even the dog .but the worst is the fact my ol'man cant seem to talk to me abo more...today is one of those days where you just want to run away .Everybody and everything is getting under my skin.The kids and even the dog .but the worst is the fact my ol'man cant seem to talk to me about things that are on his mind .It would be easier if he was just honest with me more often.We have a fairly good marriage compared to some of our friends that is for sure .he just cant seem to open up to me about things that are brothering him .It would make my life easier if he would though .and life goes on huh'''''''''''''
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Too Close To Home...
The article below the source is from The Province BC Canada
Teens with toy gun face charges after school locked down
By Matthew Ramsey, The Province
Published: Thursday, May 03, 2007
more...The article below the source is from The Province BC Canada
Teens with toy gun face charges after school locked down
By Matthew Ramsey, The Province
Published: Thursday, May 03, 2007
Chilliwack - Two teens who brought a toy gun to Chilliwack Middle School on Thursday afternoon have some serious explaining to do.
A teacher at the school called police at 2:30 to report seeing the two young people with what appeared to be a handgun.
That call prompted a massive police response which included dogs and an RCMP helicopter. Police locked the school down and searched it until they found and arrested the duo without incident. The two were in custody Thursday afternoon and will be charged. It was not clear whether they are students at the school.
The police treat these matters very seriously," said Const. Bert Paquet. "Bringing these items to school is not a smart move.
Paquet said said staff and students were not at risk.
mramsey@png.canwest.com
This scared me. I felt scared and helpless as I couldn't do anything but pray my daughter was and would be ok. My middle daughter lives in Chilliwack and goes to the middle school. They already had a threat of guns on the 25th of April and she stayed home that day. Being in Victoria a ferry ride away all I can do is wait and listen for more news. I am relieved that they were toy guns and I hope those two kids suffer imeasurably, what the hell were they fricken thinking? Thankyou God for watching over my kids. Funny my youngest said her sister would be ok cause she has a connection with her sister and if something was wrong she would feel it. Is that not the sweetest thing? I love when my kids talk like that about one another, cause me and my siblings did not get along growing up. I still can't get along with my drama spoiled princess sister. My brother we have had our moments but we always get over our anger. He's one of the strongest people I know!
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